34 years old and counting

Today is my birthday. I’m excited. Really. lol.

My birthday is part of the reason I am relaxing more about goals and perfectionism. It’s also why I need to relax more.

When I turned 29, I literally freaked out. I had (have) no real retirement, nothing to my name and no plan for making sure that I had something to retire for and that my child had something when I died.

Morbid, I know, but I’m not here to sugar coat it. I was freaking out.

So now I have a 401k and a number of different plans to add revenue streams to my income.

Good start, but nope.

As I continue to panic and act like I’m going to die young, I start to kill myself, literally, with stress and anxiety.

I already had anxiety but now, I have full time, constant anxiety and around 31, I developed panic attacks. Completely unprovoked, I was at my gyno’s office and they had to bring me in early and do first aid on me. I thought I was having a heart attack but my doctor set me straight. Glad it wasn’t a heart attack, but damn…

Either way, I’m a strong lady so I was like, fuck that. Anxiety does not run in my family, my family doesn’t even understand what I mean when I say panic attack, but they love and understand me. I owe it to them not to freak out.

So as I turn 34 today, I reflect on the year I had.

I basically spent the whole year learning to NOT worry about what had been worrying me for four years. lol. That sucks but everything I’ve gone through is important. Everything is a lesson.

What I learned this year, more specifically:

  • Writing is aggressively important to me. After not writing for almost 4 years, I wrote 3 novels since October of last year and now.
  • I would rather die poor than die working for someone else. I am an entrepreneur to my CORE and I can’t deny that. I will never be most happy working for someone else.
  • Money is very important to me. There! I said it. I want to live a better life and I want to give my children everything they need without the worry of how. Now that I know and understand this, I can move on.
  • I am an anxious wreck. My loved ones know this and they are doing what they can to help me. Accepting that I am nervous is the first step to helping me over come my issues.
  • I am not perfect and I never will be. I can always strive to be my best but perfection is an aggressively tough goal that very few attain. I’m glad to be me at my best whenever I can.
  • I need support. Sometimes I feel like I can handle it myself or that I shouldn’t burden other people, but everyone needs help sometimes. I understand that now.

I continue to live and learn and, fingers crossed, I can retire one day! lol. Or not because when you work for yourself and you love what you do, you never have to retire ; )

I’m very happy with my life today and as I continue to understand myself and know what I really need and want, I can achieve the things I need in order to remain happy.

Love, Tiffany

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6 Comments

  1. Robert J. Relyea

    I often have trouble asking for help too. It’s one of my worst habits. I always think a) I should be strong enough to do it by myself, and b) I dont want to inconvenience someone else in any way, shape, or form on my behalf. It shouldn’t be so hard to ask for help and support, but it is. I think that’s something I need to work on this year.

    But it’s good to keep learning more about yourself like you have. Hope your year continues to be an improvement for your health and finances (there’s nothing wrong with loving money 👍). Happy birthday!

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